Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
