Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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