do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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