No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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