Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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