There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
