She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
