Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
