My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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