Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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