just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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