I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
