I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My breasts were aching with rage.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
