Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
