I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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