Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
