mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
