I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
