In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
