How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
