I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
