Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
