please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
