You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
