his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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