Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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