Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
