Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
