Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
