Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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