I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
