The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
