I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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