I CAN MOONWALK!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
