yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you would pick up someone in the library
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
