a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
