2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
