when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
