I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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