I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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