i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
