It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
