We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
