I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
