Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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