sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
