There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
