I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
