Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
