Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
