She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
