Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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