Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
