Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
