HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
