Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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