I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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